If the constant rituals of the day warded away the pain, I found myself unprotected at day's end. The encounter with my reality haunted me, stayed in my thoughts as vividly as it it were a recurring every night. Inevitably, I awoke terrified and alone, engulfed by the monsters of my dreams. I understood and the knowledge heightened my helplessness that no smile however dazzling, could hope to defeat them...

What the heck am I saying hahaha